This week, some musings on the state of my mind both pre and post Pituitary surgery.
When I first found out I was making no Cortisol and had to go onto Hydrocortisone tablets, one of the questions my GP asked was how was I feeling mentally. Was I finding it difficult to concentrate, was I less assertive at work....well I hadn't given it much thought but he was right enough. I have been concentrating on getting myself back physically to fitness, but the mental side of things is a factor as well.
When I first went onto the Hydrocortisone, my mind went into overdrive in part because I was on a dose that was a bit too high. But what was happening was my mind was suddenly buzzing with thoughts and more positive thoughts. So much so, as he reminded me recently, that my boss even wondered what drugs I was on because I was acting so differently....well the answer was "I'm on steroid's man". It hadn't occurred to me it would make that much difference. But do you know what, it is still making a difference, I just haven't been focussing on it.
Let's take gardening as an example. I'd be a fool to think that just because my hormones are balanced right now, it is going to make me suddenly love gardening. Because it is not. However, Deb and I went outside this afternoon to get some gardening done. It was cold and the type of work we were doing was heavy going, chopping down various shrubs ready for the winter. I have made much of my physical abilities now, much more stamina to keep going....but there is also mental stamina and outlook on life.
Another thing I used to get a lot pre-surgery was cold, very cold. Another symptom of not having Cortisol or Testosterone (not sure which) is feeling the cold more. So this time last year (for example) I would have got freezing cold, been mentally 'down' on the idea of gardening and when I did drag myself outside it was bloody hard work...and I used to moan, A LOT. Now however, the prospect of doing a couple of hours gardening is a challenge. My brain is thinking "let's see how much easier this will be" "let's just get this over with, it will only take a couple of hours". Now obviously from Deb's point of view, this is wonderful. A husband who comes outside to help without moaning and gets loads done. But of course I can't promise this will last, because if it stops becoming a challenge and just becomes the norm, then perhaps the old me will return. Who knows.
Talking of challenges, I had another one yesterday, we went to Discover Dogs in Earl's Court. We have been there a couple of times in recent years as well as Crufts in Birmingham. Such shows where you spend 6 or 7 hours on your feet as well as a journey before and after really knackered me out before. Yesterday was the first test, and I passed with flying colours. I used to have to sit down regularly, drink and eat regularly or else I would 'crash'. None of that yesterday, I even drove home whereas I might sleep in the car most of the way. I must say I was chuffed to bits.
Finally, Twitter served me up some unexpected spam yesterday. I got followed by an account called "Buy Androgel", which is a form of Testosterone. Needless to say that account got blocked straight away, they will have no doubt picked up me mentioning Pituitary or Testosterone in my Twitter feed, but it makes you realise how sophisticated spammers really are. But anyway Mr. Spambot, if you are reading this now, I get it on prescription, so I don't need any of yours thanks.
All in all, another good week :-)